P.S.

Hi everyone...

I've intended to write a quick update for quite some time, but I kept thinking, "I'm not ready" and "it's too hard."

But I'll never be ready and it'll always be hard. So, hi.

It'll be three months tomorrow since my mom passed, and she is on omnipresent on my mind every moment of every day. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that she's gone and she's not coming back. That my life will never be the same again, and that the future will be very different than what I've been dreaming of and planning for these past 29 and some odd years.

I was and continued to be bowled over by your kind words and sentiments amidst the darkest time in my life. Your condolences brought me true comfort, and I can never express proper gratitude. Thank you for thinking of me, and thank you for reminding me WHY I continued to write this wacky blog all these years.

Speaking of which. I miss blogging. So, so much.

Death is a reminder that life is short, and we should do something extraordinary with it. That's what my mom would've wanted me to do.

So, I'm trying new things. I'm going back to school. I'm traveling to places I've never been. I'm writing for new publications. I'm putting one foot in front of the other.

I do plan to blog again, hopefully in the near future. Stay tuned...


Miss you every day, Mom.

THE END

This is the hardest post I've ever had to write.

My mom passed away two weeks ago.

She was a very private person and I never felt comfortable writing about her illness on here. I still don't. I will say that she fought to the very end and I am so proud to be her daughter.

I have always felt unusually fortunate. I have never taken my life for granted. But I also never imagined I'd know this kind of pain. Not at 29, at least.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I search for purpose and meaning in each day, and maybe someday soon that'll translate to my writing. I hope so.

Feel free to email me if you'd like to keep in touch.

Thanks for reading.

MARCH MADNESS



In 2012, I made a list of mini goals at the beginning of each month.

In 2013, I took a different approach and made a list of things I wanted to accomplish over the course of the year.

2014. I'm still not sure.

So I'm going back to my 2012 tactic and giving this another shot in hopes that it'll help me get a tangible grasp on my immediate future. I'll check in at the end of the end of the month to let you know how I did.

CHEERS


{finale at DVF F/W 2014, glitter falling on the runway}


Usually on a Friday I'd say TGIF, but lately, Fridays don't feel like Fridays. Weekends don't feel like weekends. All of the days kind of blend together. Does anyone else feel like this week flew by? Maybe it's because I didn't leave my couch on Monday (except to eat waffles) and didn't leave my apartment whatsoever between Sunday evening and Tuesday morning. I'm getting over a bad cold and another bout of insomnia. I've been a terrible sleeper all my life but some weeks are worse than others, and this one was a doozy. I'm hoping to catch up over the weekend.

So... no TGIF. But, cheers to the little things. Like surprising your loved ones with cupcakes. And flowers from sweet sorority sisters. And witty cards from knowing friends. And pretty new sneaks. And waffles for dinner. (<--- forgot to take a photo.)

I read a great quote recently that really resonated with me. "Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop."

Brilliant, no?

Cheers to the little things, to developing, and to all of you. Have a great weekend.

P.S. The above photo is from the one and only show I went to during NYFW, and it was incredible. I meant to do a full recap here, but things have just been so crazy. Luck was on my side that day, though. I got to sit two seats over from Lisa Love (senior west coast editor of Vogue/Lauren Conrad's boss on The Hills) and Amy Astley (Editor in Chief of Teen Vogue) and right behind Anna Wintour. I haven't been that close to her since I interned at Vogue 10 years ago and we shared a terrifying elevator ride. (You can see the back of her head/signature bob at the bottom left of my photo!)

MONDAY MUSINGS


~ I am thus far completely unimpressed with the year of 2014 and the age of 29.

~ The recently renovated Club Monaco in Flatiron is amazing. The space includes an offshoot of Strand Book Store and is attached to Toby's Estate Coffee. If you live locally - or are visiting - you must stop by. (The iced coffee is delish.)

~ The Citrus Super C from Juice Generation is a really lovely pick-me-up. (I caught a bad cold this weekend.)

~ This Kate Spade key bangle is so Kappa.

~ I love this poem - and sentiment - Grace shared on her blog.

~ I suffer from awful eczema in the winter and am always on the search for a solution. I find the majority of hand creams to be messy and greasy. The Lush Tiny Hands moisturizing bar is lightly scented and surprisingly effective. I dig it.

Why emotions are vital to success.

~ Anthropologie is having an amazing sale, especially on dresses. I stopped into two different stores yesterday, but neither had my size in anything I wanted. Let me know if you score!

~ February sucks. I pray March brings better days.

photo via Club Monaco

MIA AGAIN


2014 - and 29 - have gotten off to a very rough start for me. I'm sorry I haven't been around much. The truth is that my recent time at a graveside, and at a hospital, and in general feeling overwhelmingly sad ... are not things I can elaborate on here.

But I remind myself that overwhelmingly sad is not something I could've handled a few years ago. Things are tough, but I no longer live in the bottom of a dark hole. That helps.

I've been going to yoga again. I found an instructor I love and I look forward to her class. It's been a nice change of pace from dragging myself there begrudgingly. That helps.

I look for the little pockets of joy in day-to-day life. They're less obvious these days, but they're still there. And that helps.

Wine helps. And Lush Bath Bombs help.

But most of all, the amazing people in my life help. People I am honored and privileged to call my family and friends. They inspire me to search for strength and keep at it.

I've learned that sometimes when the chips are down, the toughest part is not to keep on living but knowing how to live.

I'll let you know if I figure it out. But for now, I'm doing my best every day. And that's good enough.

image via