I'LL ALWAYS BE A LITTLE BIT SICK WITOUT YOU

The last time I was sick, really sick, was January 2013. It was the sickest I've ever been, actually. I had the flu and had never known that type of discomfort. In general, I'm fortunate to be in good health. I've never been hospitalized, never had surgery and never broken a bone. I've suffered from clinical depression but that was more emotional pain than anything else.

I started to feel sick on a Tuesday, but for some reason I didn't go to the doctor until Friday. I think I had already been prescribed Tamiflu but it took about a full week for the virus to go through me. I will never forget that on Friday, when I did finally go to the doctor, my mom came and picked me up, took me there, stayed with me, took me home, and tucked me in. Everything hurt at once: I had cold sweats, nausea, cold sweats and allover body aches. But it was okay, because my mom was with me.

No one can take care of you when you're sick quite like your mom can.

I felt ill all last week. And while I'm fortunate to have many wonderful people around me, all I could think was, "I wish my mom was here to take care of me."

What a strange, tragic, life-goes-on year this has been. When I woke up last week with this cough that just won't go away, it was one hell of a shitty reality check. Like, buck up, babe. You're gonna have to figure this one out without your mommy.

It sucks. My God, it sucks. And it's so hard to put into words, which is why I haven't.

I remember in middle school those "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets were popular. Now I wear an invisible one at all times that says, "What Would Toni Do?" Whether it's taking Delsum or Nyquil or choosing my wedding colors, she is with me with every decision I make.

And I know she always will be.

Happy holidays to all of you. And do me a favor, if you can hug your mom, give her an extra one today.