Recently, a number of you have expressed to me that you wish I shared more personal stuff in this space, the way I used to. I've given a lot of thought to that, and it's hard. So much has changed for me in the past few years and I'm so much more guarded than I ever have been before. I'm still not entirely ready to write about my grief surrounding my mother's death, though God knows I've tried. After she passed, so many of you contacted to me to share about your own loss, to let me know I wasn't alone. Words can never express what that meant to me.
One of the reasons I haven't really shared my wedding plans on here - other than the obvious reason that it doesn't quite fit in with the rest of my current content - is because I'm really looking forward to surprising our friends and family with what we have in store. My dad and I are planning every inch of this celebration, and I know it will be spectacular. While it'll be a bittersweet day, I take comfort in knowing that so much of our inspiration was drawn from my mom. We're using the same color palette that my parents used at their wedding in 1980, and my mom's favorite flower will act as the centerpiece on each reception table. We're making a wedding she would've been proud of, and that brings me immense joy.
I'm tearing up even writing about this, because it's hard. There's really no other way to explain it. This is all hard. July especially, because she would've been 58 this month. Should've been 58 this month. My life has been very strange the past year or so. I went from landing what I thought was my dream gig as a website editor, to losing my mom, to totally reevaluating my life and my purpose, to leaving that job (which was far from dreamy) to focus on forging a new path for myself. Which is a little weird in of itself, because I still love to write and I've never wanted to stop. But I had been interviewing all kinds of health and fitness experts for work around the time that my mom got really, really sick. The combination of those two things was what truly led me to say, "Wait, I want to be the expert, instead of just being the one to talk to them. I want to have the answers instead of asking the questions." And so I enrolled in nutrition school, started work in a fitness studio and began to pursue other certifications. (More to come on that in the next few months.)
I wanted to write this all to explain why the blog has been the way it's been. Funny enough, I'm still finding my groove, after all these years. My posting has been inconsistent and all over the place due to everything else I have going on, but I'm hoping to get better about that in the coming months.
So really, this post is to say thank you. To all you kind souls who have reached out to me and who have kept reading, I can never tell you how much I appreciate it. But I will try.
See you back here, hopefully very soon.
P.S. One more note about the wedding. On our first date, we somehow started talking about weddings, and I told Ben that when I got married someday, it'd be in Florida. I'm really glad a) I didn't scare him away; b) that I was right; and most of all c) that he's the one I get to marry. :)